I was cruising down the boulevards of Instagram last night, and the picture above danced across my timeline. These SomeEcards are super hilarious, btw. This particular card held an abundance of truths within the joke. What amazed me even more about this premise is that all the women who commented on this pic cosigned it fully! It’s no secret that men feel women will spazz on them for no apparent reason, but the illustration above gives us a little more insight into how women use a technique I like to refer to as the Delayed #Reacting Maneuver when communicating with men.
The Delayed Reacting Maneuver is used by women to convey anger or disapproval towards men for a situation which necessarily didn’t occur at the time in which they exhibit said anger. An unrelated catalyst from “situation zero” provided by men triggers this reaction, and leaves men bewildered. This catalyst could be either verbal or nonverbal communication. Let me give you an example.
Tyrone: “What’s up Angie?”
Angie: “Oh nothing, just chilling you?”
Tyrone: “You know same old. Hey did you borrow my pen? I can’t find it and I’m sure I lent it to you yesterday”
Angie: “WHY YOU ALWAYS GOTTA ACCUSE ME OF SOME BULLSHIT?!! I DONT NEED YOUR F*CKIN PEN TY!!! YOU STAY THINKING I WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Tyrone: “Damn… Was it that serious?”
In a situation like this, when this happens to men, we would either leave it alone or dig for the true cause of this outburst. We would later find out that something that we did prior to this benign conversation lingered with the woman until she couldn’t take it anymore and exploded. I did a post a while back on SBM about the men-woman Rosetta stone, and how women have their own language that men need to decipher. You can easily tell if a woman is angry if she is short in her speech and tense. Men will usually act oblivious to this, because we don’t let small things affect us, and don’t want to have a drawn out conversation about putting the toilet seat down or taking out the trash. Our error in this line of thinking is that women won’t let those minor annoyances go, and will hold on to this until you do something equally innocuous which annoys her to the point of psychosis.
This type of reacting isn’t new to me. I grew up with mostly women. Main family in my life is 90% of the women. I’ve seen this first hand. I used to think this was just how women were, but I soon realized that these reactions had patterns. They usually followed previous actions where I thought it wasn’t that serious. What made it worse was when I discovered that these delayed reactions were CALCULATED! It wasn’t a brief crazy moment. This was PURPOSELY orchestrated by women! When I asked for clarification, I got the following answer from a multitude of women:
“Well, we didn’t get to react to the initial situation which angered us, so we wait until the next time and react twice as hard. That way we can address what currently annoys us and bring your past transgressions to the table. It’s killing two birds with one stone!”
Where women will excel in efficiency, they lose in tact, and I think they are cool with that. They find this method of communication therapeutic, while men remained bewildered. Looking back now, I’ve done this to friends and fam in similar situations. I do recognize that it’s irrational and I’ve gotten better with my communication. This quirk is funny to me now because I understand better. As long as we agree that it’s not the best way to communicate your displeasure for a situation, we’re cool. Women, it’s hard for men to understand you already. Don’t go throwing anymore monkey wrenches into our thought processes! Men, recognize these behavioural patterns that women exhibit and engage them accordingly. Understand that every situation that you Kanye shrug off, can be building towards a nuclear reaction.
Women can you admit to using the Delayed Reacting Maneuver? Why do you use it and how often? Men have you seen this happen before? Any way stories?
Here’s my “condensed” version. Def gona blog about this one. Thanks for the “inspiration” lol
Hell yes I do use this tactic, however as I’ve gotten older it’s not by choice. For the most part I have no patience. So if something bothers me I speak on it right when it bothers me; I’m a direct person. However, if I’m not given the chance to speak on it right when it bothers me, I WILL speak my piece when the opportunity arises. Example. Shorty says he’ll come over Tuesday at 10. No call no show. I text Tues at 11:30 “you good?” and receive no response. Wednesday at 6pm shorty texts “wassup”. I ignore the text. I get another text “???” followed by a call at 6:10 where his first words are “why you not answering my texts??!”
Nigga. Sir. Hombre. Let me address the first of your errors. 1) Don’t press me for doing something that YOU do. Don’t get on me for not answering a text when you my friend are just answering mine damn near 24hr after the fact. Not only are you meeting me with misplaced aggression (misplaced because you flopped on me just yesterday. *I* should be upset, not you) it’s also unwarranted. 10 lone minuets have passed since you text me. Can a G season her chicken in peace? Jesus. *I* woulda hit you back. B) Where the hell were YOU last night that you couldn’t reply to my text or call and say something came up and you couldn’t make it? Do you realize you’ve let the issue fester? The day has come and gone, so YOU think the issue has come and gone. If you would have had the courtesy of just saying “Yo I have to handle something, we’ll talk on it later,” how upset could I be?? You respected my time enough to let me know you couldn’t adhere to your commitment. I may have been disappointed that you couldn’t come, but I’d have gotten over that shit, put on an episode of Supernatural and been good. Instead, you disrespected my time, and have the gall to greet me with an attitude? YOU mad?? Not only have you given me time to fester on my initial reason for being upset with you, you’ve compounded the situation by being an asshole again and pissing me off on top of me being pissed off. THIS IS WHY I’M SPAZZING AT WHAT APPEARS TO BE AFTER THE FACT. You didn’t give me the opportunity to express my feelings to you when I was initially upset. You know I value my time but you didn’t have the foresight to quell any potential issues by sending a text, a call or responding to me because you irrationally may have figured I’d be mad that you weren’t coming. Dawg I’m an adult. We dismiss respectful disappointments. No. You compounded the situation by letting the issue linger and not addressing it when it occurred and now that you’re doing something to piss me off, I’m not reacting to just the issue at hand. I’m letting go of an entire day of being upset with you.
Moral of the story- let me be upset in small amounts. DON’T give me the time and opportunity to compound issues. Address shit when it comes up and there won’t be a reason for a drawn out argument. But that’s me. Pick and choose your battles. Personally I’d rather battle than fight a war.
So why not respond to the text and say “no im NOT good” instead of iggin? Thats passive aggressive and can turn a battle into WWIII in a heart beat!
I’m a “let me take a breath and address this like an adult” kinda adult. When I’m upset with someone (in this case the ex), I mentally go through my “no this nigga didn’t moment” in my head so when I do speak on it, it comes out clear and concise instead of me rolling my neck, screaming and pointing my damn fingers. The coming at me sideways because I don’t immediately answer approach? #FAIL. #AllTheDamnTime Now I’m back to rolling my neck, screaming and pointing my damn fingers.
Ahh. Got you.
No, the question should be why is he stressing over 10 mins when he was MIA for 24 hrs? You’re asking for WWIII with that!
I’ve done the delayed reaction before but it wasn’t calculated. A lot of times we “let things slide” for the sake of not being a nag but deep down it really bothers us. We think we can get over it but instead it just continues to build up and then the next minor or major thing makes us blow up. 95% of the time that is the cause of my delayed reaction, trying to be “cool” about something and thinking I could get over something I actually couldn’t.
Question: do you react like this in other areas of life (work, interaction with friends, family, etc)?
It depends on the person. I have a girlfriend who’s overly sensative so she takes minor criticism as an arsenal on her character so when she does stuff that might irk me, I try to let it slide and sometimes the same thing happens. I get fed up and blow up eventually. But that’s just her. When it comes to men in my life however, I think as women we are always told “quit tripping” (which by the way is the worst thing to say to a woman) so we try not to “trip” all the time, hence the “be cool” response to things that might bother us. Just as much as yall hate to hear nagging, I hate hearing “girl stop tripping” or “it’s not that serious” so I a lot of times I’d rather say nothing at all then to hear that.
Ahh Gotcha. Thanks!
Yes! I completely agree with you. I do this, but never intentionally so as to blow up “twice as hard” the next he does something. Its more that at the moment it bothered me. I didnt say anything-assuming Id eventually get over it. But sometimes the “getting over it” never comes. So when I do blow up at you you think its over nothing. But lol its never over nothing. Just in this case something I still havent gotten over.
Yep! I do this, I’ve done this, and I will likely continue to do so. My delayed reactions to situations that leave me feeling unnerved and plain ol’ pissed, usually take effect somewhere between 24-72 hours after said situation. They’re my feelings and I’ll react how and when I want to thank you very much. *flips hair*
Loved this topic by the way.
hahaha at least you’re honest!
Most of the time I try to react in the moment and will try to hash it out right then. The problem is more with cocky men. This is kinds of bad since i should treat everyone equally, but I dont. If I sense that a guy is being cocky and intentionally puts one over on me or acts full of himself or is offensive, I will purposefully play nice for a while and then use the delayed reaction to screw him over when he least expects it. This may be evil but its a small bite of evil, which frankly some people have coming to them. im not saying its a nice thing to serve sweet sweet revenge, but i can be a smartass too, and revenge is way tastier when the dude doesnt see it coming.
If the guy is a nice guy, I’ll try to address it in the moment and not let it simmer to the point of explosion. Also if he’s nice and willing to at least talk about it then I try my best to do the same.
I used to use this tactic not on purpose like the other women said. Now I do it by choice sometimes too. If you try to be honest it doesnt work with people sometimes; they dont want to be “burdened” with your comments. Better to see if its worth hashing it out later. If theyre worth it, they wont go with the “women, you are crazy” and “Im innocent” approach. If they do that, then good riddance.