#30in30 Day 11: The Funniest Cookout Of Summer 2012


This past Labor Day weekend was pretty chill for me. After an award tour of travelling for the day job in August, I decided to keep it local for the holiday in NYC. Actually, I wanted to go to Vegas with the homies for a couple of days and partake in Rehab, and gambling in all its splendor, but last-minute planning, combined with last-minute flight prices that rappers would find enormous, caused me to sit on the sidelines. The one positive on missing out on Vegas, was that I got to attend quite possibly the funniest and most outrageous backyard BBQ ever!

So my homeboy @YesMrHarrison hit me up on Saturday to put me on to the BBQ in our home borough of Queens. You know you shouldn’t front on a BBQ invite when you get a FLC text (Food, Liquor, Chicks). When he ended the sentence with “what more do you need?!” I was confirmed! Before I went, I had to also make sure that he knew the people doing the BBQ. Unfortunately, stuff is crazy around the holidays. I lost a few friends to violence at random cookouts, and decided to err on the side of caution going forward. Once he said it was love, I was there.

I got to the joint at around 11pm (the prime time of NYC cookouts). I see @YesMrHarrison outside COOKED! He was chill, let me know our peoples were in the back, and he was hanging outside for a few. I said cool, gave daps all around, and entered into the madness. I walk back there to find my good friends Mak, @TheGoldench1ld, @wittykitty5, and @makeupbypatty, who I affectionately now refer to as #TeamFall03. I call them this because 1) They all crossed in Fa 03 from their respective orgs, and 2, because they roll as a unit, pass messages about events to their unit, and unless you ask them, they know they will find you there. #TeamFall03 is the type to tell you aint ish going on, they got “movements”, and when you end up at the same place, they look at you like YOU were the one who showed up without letting others know the events of the day! My guy’s @angryaboutthis and @LastofTheBest are part of this clique via adjunct too. SMH. All jokes aside, we usually are in your favorite cookout turning it up just because! Shout to @SharNITE who was in there too!

So they were all chillin in their usual BBQ post up position. In typical greedy me fashion, I ask about the food and drinks locations. They point all around and I look in amazement. First of all, the food looked like it was catered by Golden Krust and Antuns (Haitian Restaurant) #atthesamedamntime. The food was top-notch! Every single Caribbean and American cookout food you can imagine was there. From Roti to Chicken Wings, the food had the spot live. It wasn’t until I saw the liquor they had available that I knew this cookout was just different. They had a top shelf backyard bar. No lie, the liquor they had in the back looked something like this:

Here is my reaction in pictorial form:


I filled up on Henny straight and got back to my friends to turn up! The crowd was looking nice as well. With a combination of good food, good people, top shelf liquor, and good music, things are bound to go LEFT! Although I didn’t know how left until the DJ music cut off.

We all stood there wondering why this DJ was doing drops and announcements during the cookout! Every time he hit a great track to set the party on fire, he cut the music off! WTF?! So as the music went off, I have to also divulge that my original plan for the night was to attend an interpretive dance show at Perfections. I tried to sway the crowd to go with me after the cookout, but as @TheGoldench1ld eloquently said:”Drinking all that Henny? You aint going NOWHERE!” SMH. Back to the silent music. We look around, and we thought “what song should drop next. Then, as if a telepathic message got sent to us all at once, we start-up a familiar summer 2012 chant. “Bands a make her dance…… bands a make her dance….bands a make her dance….BANDS A MAKE HER DANCE” We sounded like people at a cult, chanting for the demon we worship to appear. We were ready to see booty’s pop and money precipitate from the atmosphere. It was at that moment, that the DJ alerted our attention to the middle of the cookout, where a stripper pole magically appeared! Yes, you read that right… a MF stripper pole!! Oh, you don’t believe me?! Check this out:

Yeah, shit definitely got real! Where in the hell did this pole come from, we wondered. From Heaven? Narnia? Somewhere, it appeared, and women began to hop upon it as if it was amateur night at Sin City. Wherever you came from, mighty pole [||], we are thankful. If you are keeping score at home, we have “Mad food, top shelf liquor that isn’t running out, a stripper pole, and good music.” Wow.

You would think dudes would be cool with that and not act up at all. I mean, what would be the point right? Wrong? Eventually, at the very end of the party, a scuffle ensued. I don’t know what these gentlemen’s issue was with each other, but needless to say it was ill-timed. I saw cats I knew on the outskirts of the dust-up, and attempted to calm them down and find out what happened. Suddenly, I feel a blast of liquid rain down upon my back. I thought it started pouring, but instead something was pouring on me. I turn around to find the source of this liquid, and I see a woman, who was obviously someone’s mother there, holding a half-filled bottle of PEPSI in her hand. I was in complete shock. Did I just get soda sprayed on me like urban models who get champagne poured upon their buttocks in music videos?! The shit was sticky as hell during a somewhat humid night and I was tight! I looked at this woman, in my most respectful tone of voice could only ask “why did you spray me with Pepsi?!” A younger lady replied “she wanted to calm them down and stop the fight!”

What?! Son, I was angry, confused, amused, and bewildered all at once. Ma’am, you thought that brawling Negroes would be deterred from further conflict through the use of Pepsi cola? Have you been watching Cops late at night again? Did you think that Pepsi contained the same elements as pepper spray, and considered them interchangeable? You dead-ass thought that was going to work?! On top of that, you hit ME instead of the actual dudes FIGHTING!!! I now know what Ricky in “Boyz in the Hood” felt when he ran the wrong way down that alley. The look on her face was priceless. She looked like a dude who swings at a bigger opponent with his strongest punch, sees him shake it off, and starts to recite Puffy’s questions at the end of Victory. At that point, I was soaked in Pepsi, hungry, and my (natural) high was blown. I checked to see where my peoples were, and we all were ready to dip home, as the fine folks at the NYPD graced us with their presence. As I was walking out, I see @ChefJeffCooking walk in, confused as to why the party was wrapped. I dapped him up, and as I walked out he said “I’m hungry”. When he uttered those words, if was like a hypnotic suggestion was activated within my brain. I immediately grabbed a plate, showed him the plethora of chicken wings left, filled my plate to the BRIM, and George Jefferson strutted through the chaos and out the party! We split up the chicken, and went our separate ways. Don’t judge me. I was hungry and the party ended in a fight. Space met opportunity, and those wings were dope!

This, in a nutshell, was my Saturday night. I’ll never understand why we have to always have some type of altercation at cool functions. Maybe it’s the combination of liquor and testosterone, but I swear we can never have nice things. It’s a shame really, but it did make for an entertaining night. I’m sure Vegas would have been a movie, but in missing that trip, the comedy of this BBQ more than made up for it. Trust when I say that comedy like this happens almost every time I’m out with my peoples. Enjoy life and all its hilarity! I know I do.

I hope you all had a great Holiday. Any Stories you like to Share are welcome too!

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