If you are a guy like me, you love to be entertained. In this world of iniquity and despair, you need recreational activities in your life. Entertainment breaks up the monotony of the weekly grind, and brings us relief from our daily struggles. One form of entertainment that I enjoy is the strip club. I enjoy the talent on display, the music played, the feats of aerial supremacy that only rival the Flying Graysons, and the ambience of the moment. Nothing soothes the savage beast more than a titty and a cup of the finest libations. There is a particular etiquette that is associated with these fine establishments. I sat back and thought about the different rules of engagement that exist as part of the Gentlemen’s Club experience, and I realized that some rules are just common sense. If sense was common, however, everyone would have it, right? Well, for rookies and seasoned veterans alike, these rules apply to you equally:
Do Not Take “Used Money” For Personal Gain
In Ancient Times, before indoor plumbing, humans would rely on rain as a source of nourishment. If there was a drought, and they didn’t live by a body or water, they were sh*t out of luck until the gods blessed them with precipitation. There is no reason to tap into your inner Mayan and pick up money already distributed inside the hallowed halls of a strip club. It’s a classless move, reserved only for the cheapest of individuals. Those girls are working hard for their money, and for you to snatch that money back shows a disrespect to the system. You only touch that money on the floor to conveniently give to the strippers, either by throwing it in their money pile, or back in their vicinity so they know where it’s located. If it’s THAT serious, you should be working OT at the plantation and stacking bread, instead of faking in the club.
Do Not Look Directly Into A Stripper’s Eyes. This NEVER Ends Well!
This has been a recurring warning that I’ve given to dudes when engaging in gratuitous banter with these women. While you envision rap video-esque vignettes, in which your fake bedroom eyes fixate upon those vixens and enhance the moment, they see a toddler ready to get rocked to sleep. Strippers are trained assassins, who utilize the art of seduction to make the most out of these close encounters. They are similar to the mythical sirens, who draw you close with a look that ignites a symphony of attraction within your mind, only to lead you to financial peril. This is their profession and have played this game before.
I remember a dude who was in a strip club for the first time ever. He held about $15 in singles, and was focused on this one particular stripper. If looks could propose marriage, he would already be on his honeymoon! Shorty was dancing in front of him for like a song and a half, and he did NOT move. All he did was stand there, dollars in hand, with the same silly grin ( O_O) like a statue, staring into her eyes. She finished the dance, smiled back at him, and snatch all $15 of those singles out of his sweaty, trembling hands! He immediately broke out of his hypnotic state and was dumbfounded, as if he were compelled by a vampire. His friends and I all had a great laugh. Don’t let that become you. Enjoy any interaction you have with her, but if you don’t intend to throw money at her, make no eye contact whatsoever! Thank me later.
Do Not Use The Strip Club ATM! Bring Cash Before You Go
If you think that bank ATM fees are a swindle, you haven’t seen anything until you attempt to use a strip club ATM! I swear the fees are as bad or worse than casino fees! You get hit in the head something crazy, not to mention that using an ATM might compel you to take out more money than you want. I would suggest bringing a set amount of money to the club if the sole purpose is for precipitation. You can get drinks on your card (treat it like the club), just don’t get got with those fees!
Do Not Confuse Fantasy For Reality
The strip club experience is more mental than physical. It is an escape from the harsh realities of society. You go there to kick it with the homies, hear some good music, partake in mammorical glories, and blow off some steam. This is our modern-day version of ancient Rome and all its pleasures. The danger lies in accepting this fantasy as actual fact. No, the stripper does not want you to hit it if she asks for a ride home. She just wants a ride home. She doesn’t love you. Neither her mother, nor her father named her “Ecstasy”. You are not a rapper or celebrity with infinite money in your account. Don’t end up re-enacting scenes of Platoon with Charlie Sheen. Get a grip on reality and enjoy the mirage for what its worth.
Do Not Dress Like A Predicate Felon
Dudes shouldn’t wear sweatpants in the club. Only Quagmire wears them in a strip club – @DrJayJack
I’m not saying that you have to wear a three-piece suit, but don’t look like you just got out of bed, or just came home from federal incarceration. It creeps out the women, makes it hot with the bouncers and security, and just diminishes the ambiance of the overall experience. If you’re gonna dress hood, at least do it with class!
Do Not Ask To Play If You Aren’t Willing To Pay
Fellas, don’t treat the strip club like a swap meet or flea market. You shouldn’t be negotiating prices, period. The prices for lap dances are usually ironclad. If the young lady wants to offer you a free dance, or give you a deal because she likes you or she’s having fun, let it occur organically. Don’t be “that dude” who gets a lap dance and proclaims innocently “oh, I had to pay?!”
Do Not Treat The Strip Club As A Social Media Red Carpet Event
The revolution will not be televised, and this form of extracurricular activity shouldn’t be digitized! This isn’t the time or place to have an Instagram and PicStitch photo shoot! There’s a reason why strip clubs are adamant about having no pictures in their clubs. You Foursquare and Twitter addicts should chill on the updates when you are in the sweet spot also. Sending tweets with all of your crew @’d in them should only be done if you receive express written or oral consent from said parties. There’s no reason to make it hot to support your social media whoring. If you want to publicize yourself, go right ahead. Just don’t be “that guy” that doesn’t get invited back for future excursions.
Do Not Go Halfway On Bottle Service
Some people may say that this rule should read “don’t get bottle service in the strip club”, but in actuality this makes sense here. Many clubs will offer super cheap bottle specials if you arrive by a certain time, or on certain nights. I’ve seen $99 bottle specials in some spots, and if you know about that bottle service life, you know that’s a steal. If your crew decides to get bottles, and you agree in fact or appearance, then don’t be “that guy” who nickels and dimes your people. Don’t goto the bar and get drinks while bottles are at your table. Don’t drink the liquor, and be devoid of the couth and decency to chip in on the tab. I mean, you might be that kind of person and your friends might be cool with it, but class and courtesy go a long way.
Do Not Get Kicked Out And Expect The Night To Be Over For Your Crew
I have this rule when it comes to any type of public event. If you are the type of person who doesn’t know how to act outside of your own house, than you can’t roll with me anywhere. If you do happen to roll, you are responsible for yourself. Now, of course if you get jumped or it “isn’t your fault” then of course you’re judged case-by-case. Otherwise, once you violate the rules I have documented here, you are subject to rectify your own persecution. That’s your business not ours!
Do Not Underestimate The Value Of Going To The Strip Club With Women
Going to a strip club with your boys is cool. When you attend a strip club with a coed crew, the possibilities are endless. Strippers seem to go that extra mile to turn it up on women, and watching that unfold is an experience in itself. You won’t get as many problems at the door. Strippers will flock to women because its “safer” for them (a more inviting environment instead of the usual savages). Going to the strip club with cool chicks who will enjoy the experience and enhance it, will only make the night better.
Follow these rules you’ll have more bread to help donate to a young ladies college tuition. I’m sure there are plenty more rules I overlooked, but these 10 rules are key points to consider. Remember, don’t be “that guy” or “that gal”. Show the proper couth and decorum accordingly.